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Birthday Surprise

Joke Benny decided to buy a present for his Uncle Sam’s birthday, so with his older brother’s help he bought a present, gift wrapped it, and brought it over to his uncle. His uncle, knowing that Benny’s father manufactured apple juice, and seeing a wet spot on the bottom corner of the box, decided to have some fun with Benny by trying to guess what was in the box. “Hmm” said Uncle Sam, dipping his finger on the wet spot and taking a quick taste, “I’m going to guess it’s a case of apple juice.” “No” said Benny jumping up and down clearly enjoying the game. “Not apple juice?” Said Uncle Sam clearly surprised. After another quick taste and a brief pause he guessed again “is it apple cider?” “No,” said Benny practically squealing in excitement “IT’S A PUPPY!”

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Time to update your profile

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 Welcome to

Mason City High School's

Class of 1960

 Web Site 
 

A Perfect Marriage?

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other, except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day, the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

"Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

"Oh," she said. "That's the money I made from selling the dolls."

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The Man Who Gave Up Sex for Golf

 

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes.

"Boy, I’d give anything to sink this putt", the golfer mumbles to himself. 

 

Just then, some stranger walks up beside him and whispers, “Would you be willing to give up a quarter of your sex life to sink the putt?"

 

Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen, so he says, "Sounds good to me," and promptly sinks the putt!

 

Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, "Gosh, I wish I could get an eagle on this one."

 

The same stranger is suddenly at his side again and whispers, “Would it be worth giving up another quarter of your sex life to make an eagle?"

 

Shrugging, the golfer replies, "Okay." And, amazingly, he makes the eagle. 

 

On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win. Without waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side and says, “Could winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your sex life?”

 

"Definitely," the golfer replies, and sure enough he makes the eagle and wins the match. 

 

As the golfer is walking to the club house, the stranger walks along beside him and says, "I haven't really been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I’m Satan, and from this day forward you really will have no sex life at all."

 

“Nice to meet you," the golfer replies. "I'm Father O'Malley.”

 

Last year, I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double pane energy efficient kind. But this week, I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work had been completed a whole year and I had yet to pay for them.

Boy, oh boy, did we go around! Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year. He said that in one year, the windows would pay for themselves. There was silence on the other end of the line, so I just hung up, and he hasn't called back. Guess he was embarrassed.

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                                               A Positive Attitude

• 
  After his plane was hit and he was forced to eject, the Marine Corps fighter pilot

  finally regained consciousness. 

   

  He  was in a hospital, in a lot of pain.  He found himself in the ICU with tubes and

          IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function and a nurse 

  hovering over him, looking worried.  It was obvious he was in a life-threatening situation.

   

  
  The nurse gave him a serious look, straight into his eyes.  Knowing he was not only 

              a fighter pilot, but a Marine, she spoke to him softly  and slowly, enunciating each 

  word: "You may not feel anything from the waist down.”
  
  Somehow, he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your boobs, then?
  
  And that, my friends, is a real Positive Attitude!!